Art Buchwald

"I worship the quicksand he walks in. "

"Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.' "

"The best things in life aren't things. "

"You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it. "