Josh Billings

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. "

"A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that's lost--he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over. "

"About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment. "

"After enlightenment, the laundry. "

"As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand. "

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there. "

"Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail then you can let go when you want to. "

"Every man has his follies -- and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. "

"Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed. "

"Good nonsense is good sense in disguise. "

"I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time. "

"I never question a success, any more than I do the right of a bulldog to lie in his own gateway. "

"It ain't what folks know that's the problem, it's what they know that ain't so. "

"It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good. "

"It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow. "

"It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient. "

"Knowledge is like money the more he gets, the more he craves. "

"Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot. "

"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. "

"Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from non-practitioners. "

"Love looks through a telescope envy, through a microscope. "

"Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. "

"One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness. "

"Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does. "

"Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. "

"Some folks as they grow older grow wise, but most folks simply grow stubborner. "

"The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. "

"The fools in this world make about as much trouble as the wicked do. "

"The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm. "

"The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it. "

"There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. "

"There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply. "

"We hate those who will not take our advice, and despise them who do. "

"What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul I suppose this depends somewhat upon the size of the soul. I think there are cases where the trade would do. "

"When a man makes up his mind to become a rascal, he should examine himself closely and see if he isn't better constructed for a fool. "