Robert Charles Benchley

"A boy can learn a lot from a dog obedence, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. "

"A great many people have come up to me and asked me how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated. My answer is 'Don't you wish you knew' "

"I do most of my work sitting down that's where I shine. "

"The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled. "

"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. "