Robert Orben

"Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. "

"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. "

"If you can laugh together, you can work together. "

"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. "

"Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price. "

"Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. "

"Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. "

"Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected. "

"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away. "

"Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral. "

"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. "

"To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so. "