W. C. Fields

"A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. "

"A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. "

"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. "

"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy. "

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. "

"I never vote for anyone I always vote against. "

"I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. "

"Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed. "

"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. "

"Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. "

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. "

"There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. "